What if stress wasn’t inevitable — and relationships didn’t have to be hard? In this special episode, I sit down in Harvard with the one and only Dr. Ellen Langer, widely known as the Mother of Mindfulness and Harvard’s first tenured female psychologist. We explore why mindfulness has nothing to do with meditation, how mindlessness quietly fuels personal, professional, and relationship struggles, and how simple shifts in noticing can radically improve health, happiness, and connection. Dr. Langer shares insights from her groundbreaking research — including the famous Counterclockwise Study, the placebo effect, mind-body unity, and why most conflicts repeat simply because we stop paying attention. We also dive into the heart of the intimate couples retreat in Mexico that I’m honored to co-host with her — a playful, powerful experience designed to help couples lighten the load, reconnect, and rediscover joy together. This conversation may change the way you think about stress, relationships, aging, and what it really means to live well.
In this powerful conversation recorded in her Harvard office, Dr. Ellen Langer — the “Mother of Mindfulness” — reveals why stress is optional, how mindlessness shapes our relationships and health, and why simple shifts in awareness can change everything. We explore the science behind her groundbreaking research, the magic of noticing, and the transformative principles behind our upcoming couples retreat in Mexico.
Why mindfulness is not meditation — and what it actually is
How mindlessness is the hidden driver of most personal, professional, and global problems
Why couples repeat the same arguments — and how awareness breaks the loop
The difference between work-life balance vs. work-life integration
Why stress is not inevitable (and often self-created)
The science behind the placebo effect — and how to access its power directly
Dr. Langer’s groundbreaking Counterclockwise Study and mind-body unity
How changing perspective alone can improve health, energy, and longevity
Why play, fun, and curiosity are essential to thriving relationships
What makes the upcoming Mexico Couples Retreat so unique and transformative
“Virtually all of our problems are the direct or indirect result of mindlessness.”
“Robots aren’t happy — and most of us live like robots.”
“Work doesn’t have to be stressful. Relationships shouldn’t be either.”
“People’s behavior always makes sense — or they wouldn’t do it.”
“1 + 1 doesn’t always equal 2… and that’s the point.”
Dr. Langer and I are co-hosting an intimate, invitation-only couples retreat in Mexico, limited to just 8 couples, designed to:
Lighten emotional and relational load
Replace mindless patterns with curiosity and play
Improve communication without blame or fixing
Support health, joy, and connection — together
✨ Details and inquiry information are linked in the show notes.
Dr. Ellen Langer is a Harvard professor, researcher, and author widely regarded as the Mother of Mindfulness. Her work spans 50+ years and challenges long-held assumptions about stress, aging, health, and human potential.
She is the author of multiple bestselling books and has been featured on podcasts with Mel Robbins, Deepak Chopra, Andrew Huberman, and many others.
If something in this conversation sparked a shift for you — a softening, a new way of seeing, or even just a moment of curiosity — I invite you to explore more of Dr. Langer’s work, and to learn more about our upcoming couples retreat in Mexico.
You’ll find all the details linked in the show notes.
Until next time… stay curious, keep noticing, and keep jumping in.
https://ellenlangerretreats.com/
https://www.ellenlanger.me/